"Your only task in the opening is to reach a playable middlegame."
What about the white pieces? Anything is playable below master level and especially with the white pieces. Having the first move offers a distinct tiny temporal advantage. My perhaps naive guiding rule when choosing an opening as white is the "Fun Factor". I enjoy playing wild, theory dense and crazy stuff when I have the first move advantage. My opponent will have to "follow suit" until the slight first move initiative evaporates and hopefully the game by then has reached something middlegame-esque. Yes, I might fumble into a onesided theory battle but ignorance is a bliss and I might learn something.